It started out great. When I arrived at work, there was a pink banner that said “Princess Party” and some cardboard cakes taped to my walls. I have always said that I am not the biggest “birthday person”, but I think the truth of it is that it is really nice when people remember your birthday. On Facebook, I had a ton of people write Happy Birthday on my wall. I could not believe how many people took the time to do that. It was a lot of people…kinda cool. (Thank you!)
It made me think. I want to do more for people because this feels really nice when people do it for me.
Later in the day, I had a bit of a birthday meltdown. I wanted my own family to treat me really special on my birthday like everyone else had done. For years, I have been telling everyone that I am not a “birthday person” and have instructed people to not go all out.
Yesterday I decided that I am a birthday person.
I want fanfare. I want special treatment. After much sulking and general crankiness, I realized that I had made my own bed that I was now lying in. I have always told people not to do anything special. I had underplayed myself and been a martyr.
Yuck! No more!
I spent a lot of time last night reflecting on this. If this is my mirror, what am I doing that is creating this general birthday apathy? I must look internally for answers. For starters, I do not go out of my way to say happy birthday to people on Facebook. I don’t think of special things to surprise my friends with as often as I would like to say I do. I do stuff for people, but for all the wrong reasons sometimes. I use guilt and martyrdom occasionally and I hate that crap.
This was a very humbling insight.
I understand that my perception of the world around me is a reflection of what I am putting out in the world. My family is my mirror. Who have I been for my family? This day was a big lesson day for me. I need to polish my own mirror!
Next week, I am off on a camping vacation with my family which consists of my three sisters and their families and my parents. (Of course, my husband and daughter will be joining me too!) I think that this will be a week of finding out what I can do for my family. I want to listen to them and see where I can be better for them. Time to take a look in the mirror and see what I can make better from the inside out!
Have you had any humbling moments you want to share? Please do so in the comments below!